4 minutes
ok, i'm on the run to my beauty sleep, so i have to hurry.
first of all, i'll just have 3 minutes left. and the reason for my hurry is that i will be on the plane to italy (again) at around... 6:30.
i know, it's a 'kill me' time, but i have to do it, in order to get to milano right in time to get my second pair of shoes in this week. you all should know what THIS means to me.
everything is super fine, too fine actually, that i have time to think about other painful stuff. you should give me more physical pain, so i don't have to life with my painful fantasy. well, it's not really painful, it just makes me want to hide and be protected by someone, who can protect me.
beautiful bridge to my next topic.
(it's 1am... fuck)
i wrote someone a message "just" to ask if he can protect me. no, it's no can, it's a "please protect me, so i can be save". i know this sounds ridiculous. but imagine you are in fear... than nothing seems to be ridiculous, whatever you do.
i felt insecure, and i feel insecure very often. it's because of people who love me, i can be stronger than i am in the night, when everything is dark and quite. then, i feel lonely and want to hide somewhere, so that no one can hurt me.
it's around that time and that feeling when i start to feel desperate, feel panic.
i haven't expected anything, actually i've expected nothing.
but you gave me your strength, because you thought i needed it and because you felt obligated.
tears? what are tears?
maybe
you just don't know
how much i love you
i know i haven't written anything in a looooong time. i'd like to, but i don't have that much time. today is because, i needed to.
all is busy, all is stress, me is sleep sleep sleep happy
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