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tagged

The rules are easy, just post 10 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 10 people and force them to post this meme on their LJs. Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in a while.

1. eating
2. laughing
3. eating again?
4. talking
5. being happy makes me happy
6. being with my friends
7. just chill
8. music, any kind, my own music, or the one i listen to
9. being with max
10. watching/being with great people, handsome people, cool people, funny people
11. eating!

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new start

i've got a new blog!

http://crazyredrain.blogspot.com/   *this is english and just some random stuff and daily

http://ichraindu.blogspot.com/ * this is going to be German, but i have not written anything yet

http://bugrain.blogspot. com / * this is a team blog with a friend from Taiwan. it's chinese

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beginning of the end and end of the beginning?

Thursday last week was probably the beginning of the end.
and today is the end of the end.

what I feel?

I really have no idea.

maybe i should just break down and cry my heart out. or something like this.


we are as before ... 1.5 or 2 hours to arrive home. I have the feeling I must throw up, because we have instant noodles us grad inveigled from Taiwan. hah

just now still babble on vivi. hah

and now? no idea ... I just know that I am at a lot of money more easily than a week ago. and much has changed so much.
fits somehow to my previous entry that line about "what i am afraid of." actually turns the whole are living at the thing you're scared. because we tried that this will never happen and you think constantly tuned, because it will change you.
changed me, the change also. But she was not unnoticed. I've seen it all.
might all be over.

good or bad?

do not know.

think. rather not

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What are you afraid of?

hah, this is funny.
actually i had something to write about. but well ...

i am afraid that the people that i love or get hurt. that's what i am afraid of. and then i am afraid that things and people i believe in change. i know this is stupid, because people and things always change. but i am afraid that i will not see the change. that i will not know that something is changing.

i am afraid of being alone sometimes


sometimes i am afraid of him.
and sometimes of myself

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hola, now is tricky

got up a little late. but everything was perfect today.

So Marc did pick us up at 12, to his father to drive because of the French plans.
am but got up by 12. Marc was able to come until half-second Thank God. ^ ^

then to his father. his driving style ... makes me afraid. but slowly ... I usually turn me. sensitive to the dying. aaah

So, Thursday's off now. to sunday. has yet to fully make

much, people say modest call people.

marcs dad is cool. super mega nice.
a quote.
he is "where do you know that?" (Me and marc)
I "of ju-jutus of a very long time."
he "Oh, and he wanted sex and you do not."

Aaaaaaaaaaah
I almost said something ... oh man ... oh man, I laughed so much.

work then. Full of abkack. full of boring, had absolutely no loss. full of shit. all kake. then with this little jette ... oh man, that was a abfuck ...
work is always a team work thing, where you can rely on the others. I can not with her. and that pisses me off so immoderately at much ... kake

Wolte I still get the 12pm bus and then I walked down to the bus station. but ... 've forgotten my lunch in charge. Thank God I was previously called marc. So I called back while praying that he pick me up and goes home. (That is, then saying: eat well and get home and drive a car) we have
the travel talk, because he wants the whole drive to not pass through France. Understandably. We probably only go to Bordeaux or the like is written and then maybe in the provence, and then back to paris. and since the approach is very difficult with his car, he once offered to practice. and actually we wanted to do Tuesday night. 1. because he and I only have time at night and 2 because there are fewer cars on the road.
but then I called him when he was in the shower (he then told me later) (very important! I'm not getting naked photo flashes ... oddly. I was just surprised when I noticed that, I have told bex. really 0 flashes). Um halb 2 hat er mich dann am laden abgeholt und wir sind dann wo hingefahren, wo ich fahren kann. Und es ist wirklich schwer. Ich hab jetzt schon paras vor steilen hängen und roten ampeln. Am schlimmsten in einer kombination. iieeeh

gut ... dann nach hause. gegessen. mit bex telefoniert. und jetzt ... noch eine "malcom in the middle" und dann schlaf.

eigentlich wollte ich heute mal früher schlafen gehen. hat aber nicht geklappt. ah .. ah

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我们 那时候

I fell in love with recently is the Avenue of Stars Yoga
this is not me, I always thought I was not such a person
I'm not such a person like me ah ah
he was not particularly nice because he sang it

personality is like his personality

Rights

ah does not matter now listening to his song reminds me of many things to think of me

I like singing songs is not very strong

of music I do not know
Ah, but it is how I like to listen to the commentary it
eligible Well


I like to sing
high Yani ni ah, I think in the end is how they think we know more than I
class hot What can all later I think I remember quite strong
but many people do not know to recognize Yani is also a luck

ah I remember English class because they like things to be published in English and then published extracts of
Ni is 八号 him I was on the 10th, right before I sing

he does I should be very surprised how this class There will be some people sing in English it
I immediately liked him for his interest
I ran to talk to him
Haha I know he was very pleased to know that song ah a few years ago I love a man ah
suddenly felt a very long story haha
alan
is his 2004 return to Taiwan to participate in missions to observe know that time is very attractive for me he is very strange alan
He spoke very rude tone of my friends think I'm annoying
maybe he is a child when I was only 16 years old is in a very small group, but another little girl so in love with his speech but also with people with so many languages of Kazakhstan La
but still meet him and get along very well
three weeks after this we became friends
I just like him, but I also know that he likes the person is not my
but I also know that he knows that I like after he
home to go to his blog often look to see how he lived like
I was a little worship him
his blog one day will play music music is the song
bette midler - the rose
I'm touched to hear

moved

day is good to hear Yani
let me sing this song I think the feeling of that time on alan ah


now because I want him in the Ni
is very relaxed with him I like to sing I love to hear him sing
prefer to sing with him
This is more fun things, but ah


now been a year less and less contact with our
everyone had their own lives
that this is also nothing wrong with

alan
the same time now ha ha chat Yinianliangci occasionally it can feel each other
concern at least
alan very happy to see me grow up a lot of
I am glad he is proud
I know he told me was his truth
and I am sure he would i know i can count on him

alan also like singing
ni ah ha ha


you actually select the

Antiphonal
I miss you I really miss you

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if I were you

ich bin sehr enttäuscht. ich think I'm very disappointed.
enough somehow not me.

quite clear, I understand, I understand everything. all ... sometimes I am perhaps a bit too sympathetic. to me it does not do well and you might just as wrong.

Basically, it has recently not their fault. she has left it to her mother. yes ... good excuse for them.
for me comes out the same.

is perhaps different for me. no, not maybe. it's different for me. I would have preferred to connect the ass and that properly than to tolerate the emotional need that I do not miss anything.

die? oh, what is that.
you can not really die if you do not really alive.

I know I have a different definition of life. but so is my life, I am. hard on the border, so I know that I have no regrets, so I know that I achieved something. so I can be proud and happy. because later I want to say ... phew, then I've done this and that. and it was ... cool!

yes, it does not matter if I die now and had no opportunity to say it.
well, then I have to avoid just that I die. if I do not want and live on my watch. then that is clear. fear? who has no fear, we need only consider what predominates. So, I know dass ich angst habe. aber die spielt so eine kleine rolle, weil meine aufregung, mein glück und mein stolz viel zu groß sind um der angst genug platz zu bieten.
ich fühl mich gut.

auch, wenn ich enttäuscht bin.
aber es lässt sich nicht ändern.

ich fühle mich schlecht.
du fühlst dich schlecht.

so ist das

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已经 一年 多 了

changed after a year returned to Germany last year, much better
how wonderful feeling there is a feeling of home, but there their own space and their own freedom
years ago, when Taiwan finally I felt quite surprised by fun and entertainment of course, life was full of entertainment not only did not bring a lot of trouble but in fact I was having so much fun
I learned a lot not to see said

today to give up and I feel like I can not get more than
life after I came back changed a lot since I added a new transfer students are not really my life back the illusion of life friends are not the same feeling at home is still the same I am glad
but I should be happier now

happy every day I have that right


I'm not quite sure

last few blogging I do not know why
not what happened but did not think I do not know what

was then I really want to write but no inspiration right

I I'm not afraid to write enough good people do not want to look nice, or could not stand


ah this is not the focus of

I leave I'm going to do a lot of things you want to study is important because the next year
but until now has been a week of summer vacation did not even touch the book did not go to work if
words I was out with friends
have their own time, but still did not want to die when bored
is not good to say I'm looking forward to school last summer because I had wanted to die at home, so nothing has been done a long time not so leisurely
was in fact a good memory of
to feeling uncomfortable, but then
only after that will be used with ease and effort to do something more

now working only for another two weeks to go out
matter sorted out a few friends I hope I'm looking forward to France
matter sorted out at last with
Joy finally was finally able to realize a dream vacation
go with Joy Paris, go out
This is our imagination that is our promise

ah
so I work hard

everyone Fortunately, I now have their own space
also have their own time
I think why I like to mess with middle of the night 3:00 is the most quiet because I did no one No one talked to me fire me no one wants me to do anything
This is the time for me is my space
my room I want to do I do
Ma cool my somersaults turned two o'clock, then I do not care

Kazakhstan
Haobang

but I still want Taiwan
also want my friends there
sometimes regret it but this is only for one person
think of insects in the end I would like to say I done anything wrong why I can not take time to think about doing well in retrospect naive
time I always feel that in fact I do not know what happened then is that our friendship disappeared
but I know when I was very happy Because with him I was very pleased that he is very understanding of my time I have and I know him very well
possible I was wrong I know I was afraid I was afraid to hurt him say the wrong thing
think ah

Jing Yun I had a bit worried that he had no idea how
want him to be strong he can step into his life bravely

it
ni ni ah ha ha he really is, no one wanted to sing sing with me miss him so funny ha ha, but with him is that shorting is very comfortable we can be together is really really happy in retrospect
Oh, he's really want I have nothing to worry about
he does because he is very strong Just a little blankly, but really fun
regret not singing with him to eat and things did not talk to him his boyfriend is really the
Kazakhstan seem to have become simply the way he was not ah

good Xiangbao my Xiaomeng
Oh, the money that he slept with his cool when talking with him hug
He is so cute with the bully Pei Han Pei Han
good poor
of hostel life is really interesting ah ah

not write too much or you'll forget who he gets angry
curry ah
also the most fun he had a good laugh out loud ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha mouth ha ha ha ha ha ha Zhang big


Joy, not to speak of the
Like a sister younger than me ha ha
fact, sometimes like a sister, sometimes a mother

ah

Taiwan Taiwan's air-conditioned room Rights

convenience store in Taiwan Taiwan's streets


eat, drink not to mention the


really is not the same street in Taiwan, especially Taipei

sorry Taichung
可是 台北 真的 是 我 心理 的 故乡
台北 和 台中 二 中 哈


台湾 啊

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is not clear

today is very much unclear.

first endless aggro due to double real time, was simply not clear. I could puke just endless.

then I was up in the Chuck Close exhibition at the Ludwig Forum with guidance. and the type is not clear at all times, which is so crass. I stood there and I've taken the head and thought, it is clearly not! ^ ^ Was super great.

now I'll hang around at max. on the pc ... and remains to be German . Make
but before that is even what happened much more blatant.

we went to the exhibition went to me to get to some things. I then added my sister said that m. has called. I am excited and amazed. So call back and he asks whether I'm going on holiday to Paris now and so? but clear, drawing on each of the. think to myself with the will or what? is clearly not. is simply not clear. Yes sort of. " he says. I do not come clear. "I'll call you after your game, at around 10 or so." I say. call ... and now there are plans. we want to go away. to France. paris and others see things.

I do not come easy

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stress? where does this her word?

clearly apart from the fact that yesterday and today Tomorrow one of the most blatant school days had ever, walk me at the moment quite well.

we do not want a long talk about it. I actually had to prepare for today's 2 papers and 2 tests. each one has been dropped. for that I have but the other two things totally screwed it.
the day was shit.

have been then drove home and've got a good while to max on my weekend, my feelings, feelings he babble on about his weekend and his.

then I slept and I finally went up into the city to go along with luke to the cinema. Max was at first not so enthusiastic. He did not because he was funny with him to go to the movies.
I was was great and I am totally happy and excited. haha was ultimately

in the film ... in itself quite ok, but unfortunately for my nerves a bit too crass. I was really alarmed, and was up next to me the real no picnic. He has me constantly torn away the hand that I needed to get my face to cover it. Luke was sitting next to me, unfortunately not. haha

because the bus was off grade, when we were out of the theater, so that of Luke, I've brought him up to offer to drive him home. We have also made. was great, it was a great evening and I really really fun.
I really like him very very much.

have already plans for another meeting even with jasmine and m.
look forward to.

max was also positively surprised and was even invited on the way of Luke to come to the meet.

I look forward to.

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yes or no

ai

pirates of the carribean.

if someone is going to the omu, please tell me. i want to go.

I'm ... drunk.

I'm ... abandoned. unloved.

the? not an option ....

love? not an option ...

hope? not an option ...

the? maybe an option


haha .... just fun.

thinking about my love and my desperation ... wnanna be with him or not ... yes or no

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thirty, will not sleep, so I read a bit.

last weekend I was with gastro-intestinal flu in the isolated beach, even in the VW bus obtional the Oster.
kake me we went in the meantime, in the truest sense of the word, and the other time I slept. has been a changing game, total well-coordinated.
and yet I became brown, which is due on Monday. so brown, that is again rebecca jealous of me. she pressed her about it, "you have become brown (dot, which could be heard really clearly)." thereby a view out of ice.
Monday I was with stomach flu, beach, near the sea in a bikini. ie I now have an official imprint bikini. if I'm proud of it? of course not. I feel pretty much at the past behind. But as long as it makes rebecca jealous, but it satisfies a good use.

come back home Tuesday night, totally exhausted, totally ... school bothers. I still "broken" bin, gastro-intestinal flu from which I recovered from the sea in France in very bad weather, I decided Tuesday night, Wednesday not to go to school. or or I had to go to school before, but not in the first two hours. (See timetable: Latin and with such a setting, I still hope for a fourth) but then I was animated woman Daimler skip to the total "oh, you're sick then stay home and restful yet easy to you?" yeah, those were her words, after I told her that I I do not feel well, but still come to school vll afternoon. who can answer these loving say no?

so I do not. even if these words were not repeated on Thursday, had no effect on my recovery. I stayed at home and good doctor went at half 12 whole rested on. (After I'm 4 clock at night I stayed up) the doctor said to me, unfortunately, that I am able to go to school, and it may scatter some of my good bacteria. I call this living bacteria spin bio weapon. fits, ina comes, run to your life, it was geheuert of the Americans. So people will not believe me ... always remember, I might be evil.
wander no, we off we go to the gravity of the situation. So at 0:30 I get home after my doctor had taken 2 minutes to tell me to go the fuck to school (on medical version of course) and I have read the rest of the time a star in the waiting room. are waiting for it since room. "Do you ever miss a star-follow, no problem, are with the doctors still had five years ago to date."
I then got a bit done nothing and tidy. Rebecca came to eat spaghetti with me and stay then sit at the table, although we have in the city in order to plan our future. but then we would rather preoccupied with metaphysics and other philosophical topics. For example: the evil.
future is important because it starts the same. So we naturally from the € Congress, where ZAB (read: zet a be not zab I've done wrong in my future that is known to be so no more..) took place. a ... Hall, who was in training places and presented no room for students. but that was ok. we wanted to anyway just the iPod that you could win on this occasion.
it was depressing to see a sense of what they wanted to do it all. and the only reason why we went to the various circumstances, were consumer goods, the laughing at our senses. and chocolate (Lindt also was represented at the training places) and cars (Mercedes) and But do not forget, good looking trainees. everything was there, what we needed, not only our future. unfortunately?
but then we saw a small glimmer of hope. rebecca said the call rather than the limbo would. European Business School (private), so I know english mixed German, but I forgot how the school is. yes you heard right, business school. what we wanted to do it again ever? business! but no matter, we deceive ourselves, as well as with the flip flops, but you really hate, but then bought because that will match the best that you just have to, as they stood in the flip flop charge. ok, that was mean, so the flip flops now. I wanted them, it was not just the top fault. I wanted them, because there was a brand on it, which is normally expensive, but flip flops, it has not so large well worth it. conclusion is to say, I have flip flops, my first live in, they look like shit not even know I like it ... aaah, do not go to hell, I know it is mortal sin to deceive themselves. but ... what beach with summer sun? because you need flip flops, then they are basic equipment ... to ... you know.
again missed the point. what I meant to say, because of the business school. ne way, it was private, so you would have to pay per month 650 €. actually you would have already For these reasons, this evil was to be called limbo, but no, we, or do I ask quite a lot and let me make hot, to a degree that I do not want to. but it sounds just as great, if you realize what can you do everything.
am finally come to the conclusion that perhaps I would study everything if me as any of these studies would imagine. (3 internships each 8-13 weeks, 13-month semester abroad ... etc. * whom there is not the water in the mouth together? *) I do not know exactly how to assess that, I should be worried, "I am getting too much and entice forget my future when I self-unfolding and dreams of happiness "or should I be happy" is still great, then I can be with any study-happy, and to be my care not to make everything about my future more? as I said, the rankles of contradictions me still.
was but God thanks I found distraction in cake and coffee and a cash call from my face, "hey ina, do you have time today to work for someone today failed in the short term. Come at 7 over until normal working circuit. "could look at my future, apprenticeship by-found running exchange and money in thoughtless count that I get when I so and so much work. perhaps not important, but I think I should add that I am not to think the money directly, but really just to spend the money that I meet in some hand to get. this is a sign of greed? So I
to work, you realize I do not go to school, but earn money for it. I wrote a quick sms mama, because I did not have enough guts to tell her that. she called, of course, and I thought very long about whether I should go turn or not. but to avoid even more trouble, I went with the know ran that I bollocking the largest since ... the previous day would get. * Press * "hai mama" ... (We'll save us now) mama was not too sour, vll she thinks, "I will indeed look at the latest on their testimony. "mama could keep their opinion for themselves, a task that my father, unfortunately, unfortunately, unfortunately, unfortunately, has not God. (that was not explicitly related to anything now, but is deliberately kept very general.)
come after work with Lishan (was a lot of fun and she told me that we have common one: lisa) at 12 back home, knowing that I am the next day to go to school there are just nice people, the homework I can not give. want to protect me from sleep. how cute!

before I even hopped in the shower, I was again tempted to up to 4 pc in front of the clock sit around with my ex-boyfriend very nice and friendly and very babbling much fun. But I told myself "no, you have to go to school and, second:..! not fall in love no feelings" I was finally asleep at half-second good times ... this morning I thought, "it is always like that."

school was not that bad. but probably that's just the aftermath of the long recovery period ("skip" 2 days?). in art as time went by nothing, in philo almost as quickly, with the difference of mental torture, what the time but has been delayed a bit. German ... a lot of drivel and I was proud to have given a different opinion.
word full. finally talked to Yuxi. is fun, does well. love the total.
identified with him by marc central station to pick up, because he got free of the earlier work experience. before but still with pascal run through the city, which is always very amusing and cool. had a nice first encounter in the nanu nana, a woman who has a problem with itself and with innocent plastic squeaky sweet yellow duckling from the occasional squeak when sweet innocent 18-year-old girl rumquietschen it. the lust for life I was able to find that my sunglasses gucci is not there. but it has a very pascal, I-am-the-cool sixties-man glasses purchased! which is really mega cool. He seems to be like without glasses from not so sixties, but once he has them on, it changes like spider man (man get muscles and floats through the air), we think he jumps from drug NEM hippie movie with lots of grass and others! super great!

"damn, why does he look so good?" was my thought when I marc waiting for me at the train station saw. he was a gentleman and not the usual stuff. but I'm happy and I find it great. (I have grad automatically "money" instead of "love" written. I think these are good signs for what?)

on the way home I met her and xiao max. was very funny, I'm really happy in that bus. this is very funny. generally I'm happy with those who understand me. * Sigh * I've opened it, that I am proud of my injured again if I discover any feelings for Patrick. So we bend the front of, as we just know that it is impossible. but I will see it already ... there appear to be problems. my side of course ...

tonight I went to the training. Bertram is great and strong. ok, one determines the other. he's great, because he is strong.
I have a lot of blue spots. hurts everything. I feel great. but very weak. So ... Next week back to training this means!

* satisfied with the entry

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smell something

smell

you are all over me
i smell you all over me
as if you are near me standing right next to me
can

and all i do
is thinking of you

you go through my nose
to my brain
and finally
through my heart

just to let me feel
and let me remember
how much i love you

and each time i smell
my
heart jumps just to let me feel how much you mean to


me and each time i see you
it's like my heart blossoms in euphoria

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changes

everything changed
I know that is not necessarily a new insight.

but really everything.
everything for me is old and established in the memory, is changing too.

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* del *

dreams ... * Del *
ziiiiiiiiiiiiiissssch ... everything is ...

away today i talk to few people on the phone, mainly to confirm our trip to paris and london.
the result is finally that maybe we will not be traveling to Paris or London.

good start into the vacations that will start ... in three weeks.


what i think i think everything is just fucked up

what i am i am pissed as hell



what i want i want my dreams back

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void

everything is meaningless, everything is small. especially people.

but no, that must not be so.

why I mad, why am I disappointed?
because the contempt was not appropriate in his eyes.

I'm allowed to express opinions and we think we may, without having a glance to get the contempt.

would be normal while still have been acceptable, but I would not expect to see this look in his eyes.

it's not even surprising that the people I do not think so. for what, but when I see day after day, but believe that this is just senseless waste of power.

void? already, it is void

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"I could puke"

all day drives me crazy.
everything is bad today, especially today. why, why now?

jaja, rather banal, pointless question.

so ... what happened.
I was mega late yesterday in bed, or early, against 4 I was just nciht tired and needed the sleeping is not easy. But something seems not to vote because I do not feel tired perhaps, but as soon as I lie, I fall asleep.
this morning I was wide awake and alert, but that did not help ... I still got up very late and almost came too late for my math exam. exam was shit.
get back story was ok, will wait, but not very good.

then sport, max tells me short notice that he goes nciht must, therefore, with the bus back. pisses me back to mega.
then sport ... Luke, although there was all quite funny, but somehow I have been missing, and Ah-ram max. vll but only because the MCIH has so pissed off that I had to drive the bus.

But! pascal said I'm unpredictable! all this has made good. I mean, so you will not get a compliment any day! haha

oke, then, after sport I had last night announced that I at marc passing. I cry, then, before I show up at the. no one there. I'll call up, tell him to pick me up, but he is only about 45 minutes later.
I could puke Sun half an hour would have been ok ... But 45 minutes is my kotzgrenze.

and then at home ... I'm asleep. not even had time to phone with bex. I'm sorry.
2 hours but I was sitting at the damn poster Unit German. I mean, I can also let nciht, I hate to do things half. either good or not. So a lot of pure power plugged in, always in mind that 2 certain men not to have been purely anything. pisses me back on evil ... but I can not once again say "no" when he arrives back with his excuses and blah. fuck the shit from ...

oke ... is still the best, now it's 0:30 am as the German vehicle ready .. can therefore begin with the homework! who wants me to hell?

aaaach, everything fucks everything shit

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there is so much to say. i have not been updating a long time.

actually i have. but it is still in a private mode. why?
because i thought it was nothing i'd want to let others see, because it was written so badly. badly... why would i think that.
it was the wrong language, the wrong expression and the wrong time.

i wrote many things down... by hand, because i thought i have to keep my thoughts in memory. all my thoughts... at that night, saturday. they were so full, they were so excited and gleaming, reaching for something that was just out of my reach.
what i want to capture is not easy. it's not the money, it's not the life, it's not that one aspect of life. i don't want my life to go one direction. if i was a sizophrenic... that would be able to take different bodies, maybe i'd come closer to my dreams.
i don't want to experience one life. i want to do more than one life. what i could see, if i had the chance to see more than one corner of this world right in this time, to see different people and eat different things, speak different languages.
actually this is the first time i think about this so distinct. i thought about going to school in japan, because of the uniforms, going to school in england, because of the unifoms, going to school in japan, because of the afternoon activities. and all that stuff. but at the same time i'd not like to miss all the everyday stuff i have to live with in germany, my home. i want to know everything about life. not just my life, also the life of other countries, other enviroments.

that's not what i supposed to talk about.

the reason why i just couldn't bring myself to make it public was my feelings for the night. what i wrote was not for public, what i wrote was for me. just for me. when i say, i write my blog, here in public, just for me, that would be a lie. many people know that.
of course all this stuff here has something of me, myself, my truth, my thoughts and all the pain and happiness and hope i feel everyday. but the deepest... i could never just express it in a language that is actually not mine. the language for me  would be german.
i just couldn't. i could write in english, that would be like, if i wrote through another me, another language, so that is another feeling.
my feelings are being filtert through the language i use. in german it is unfiltert... everything is so true and distinct.
here, i have to transfer...

maybe it's too raw.

so, ok, i will first talk about what happened recently. today bex is at my house and we just enjoyed the tv and some sushi for dinner. we didn't do anything special. she is asleep now, but will wake up in a few hours to go to the bathroom. she got home last night very ... ehm, let's say, early. i was quite early in bed to, spending the night at cindy's place we were looking through vogue till our eyes just couldn't bear the beauty of the designers anymore. haha
i had a really good time yesterday. after writing my history exam, that i haven't studied for, in the morning, i just followed my schedule and was home at about 5pm. i started chatting and finished watching "the impressionist" right in time to catch my bus to the train station.
at cindy's place i nearly died of hunger, but managed to survive and eat some glorious stuff. cindy was at some exhibition again and brought home some good stuff. haha, i really was touched when she told me, she had a lot of great taiwanese nudle cups for me. i should've cried.
we talked a long time, talk good stuff.
and she told me, i was actually quite depressed when i was in 10th grade. i was surprised when she told me, i didn't know i was feeling so low at that time. it's true that i didn't feel good at school. i didn't have any friends. really good friends. maybe in the last few month i was getting close to someone, i can't remember...
anyway, today my life is different. that sounds kinda strange, like i experienced some really big change in my life. haha
it's just, that i have friends now, that i feel understood and good being with them. i like being in school and feel loved. ok, i don't want to get specific now.

tuesday i slept the whole day and didn't manage to study for my exam... i know, i should've studied... but i simply was ... dead.
maybe because of monday. i stayed up till about... 2am, because i was doing homework that i had to finish a long time ago. like... 2 month. but i finally did it and was really proud when i saw the results coming out of the printer.
this is so important to me. it is a prove that i am able to finish something. i know it is kinda late, but i finally did it. i just finished what i had to do. maybe it won't be accepted, but still i did it. and that's what matters to me. i hope that in the future i'll be able to finish the stuff i have to do earlier and maybe on day, right in time. maybe someday i'll be able to schedule my time, to schedule my life just to see how much i can do and how much i'll do. it seems like a plan for my life, but it isn't. it's just a overview about all the time that i got in this life, so i don't just waste in and in the end looking back, saying, "i should've spend my time rather being happy doing things that i want or have to do than doing nothing really.".
just yesterday cindy asked me, if i don't want to fix myself and get my ass up working for school for the last few month in school. of course i want. but i just can't get myself to do it. i am trying and you maybe can't imagine how hard this is for me. it's more than just, get the ass up. it's like chasing for something that is in my head... somewhere, that just can't find the right place. i should now what i have to do. and especially what i want to do.

so monday i did my work, watching dane cook till late night. i really love him. you should take a look at him at youtube. he is really good.
monday morning i was really in a desperate hurry to punch myself some math in my brain, when yuxi told me in the bus that we would'nt write any exam on this NICE day. i was like... fucked. i could've screamed and cried and everything.
anyway, in the afternoon we went to the fitness centre with our sport class. i was so excited to go there and waited hell a long time for this day, this afternoon. we did some eating at burger king just alongside and then went inside to get our asses a bit thinner and more beautiful. haha
L. wasn't there and i missed him (when i told him, he wouldn't believe, haha). but i had a really great time with ah-ram and max. we did some crazy stuff. i liked it there, against my expectations. i wanted to go there to see the guys sweating, but in the end i was so much fun that i wanted to go again. haha, and luckily max has a coupon for 2 people in a fitness centre. that is so good.
after some sweating we drove by M's house and i got him out of bed to come out. i dind't know he was sleeping and dind't want to get him out of bed. but he was so kind. actually i felt... horrible. i was red in the face, ugly and sooo ugly. i hate when he sees me like that. i don't want him to see me when i am not as beautiful as i can be. i hate i hate i hate. i felt so ugly right at that moment. i wanted to crawl into... somewhere where he couldn't see me. first i hid behind the car... but i had to come out to say hello. it was horrible. i felt... like shit. i didn't even want him to touch me. when he wanted to hug me i told him i was sweaty, so he just gave me his hand. and i felt bad.
but i was happy to see him. i am always happy to see him. P. was as well. haha, everyone hears so much about him and are curious to see him.
yes, he is someone i really respect, i really love. maybe he doesn't know, but all my friends do!! haha

we drove home before 6, before he had practice.

at home, at max's home, i talked a lot with C. and told her about my new shoes. haha, she was really great. W. told me to come to their place more styled than i am usually when they see me. he said that maybe there is a hidden princess in me and laughed very loud. i did too. i like their company very much. i cherish them very much, loving them like my own family. they are...

at my place we didn't do anything, just hang around like always and i did what i had to do. and i was proud of myself.

oh yes, i told F. monday noon at a cup of coffee that i was feeling very very ugly. and he was like "what the fuck!! cut it out!" haha
he is a really good guy, but i just can't help myself. i need it, i really need it. it hasn't much of an effect though. me is ugly and fat. haha, i know most of the people don't want to here that. and usually i hate when people say that, nah, not usually, always. first, i can't say anything when it is not true, because it's ridiculous to say something like this when you are beautiful. people who look ok, don't really complain. people who are ugly... are mostly... dunno, just can't say, "yes you are, but i can't help it". i know this is bad and mean. but ha, you don't know who i consider as ugly. haha.... hahaha.... =.=
actually i consider people who are ok-looking who complain about their looks as very very... i hate them.
anyway, what i wanted to say is, that i felt horrible. (this feeling just increased when i saw M.) F. said beauty is subjective, the most subjective thing on earth maybe. but i don't really believe that. but he considered me as beautiful, as i did myself a few weeks ago as well. and other friends do as well, but you should know how less impression that makes. it is not objective enough, but beauty isn't objective F. says... aaah, so many turns
but there is something wrong in the last few weeks, few month maybe. i just don't feel the way i used to feel. and i don't like it. i don't like the feeling of not knowing what is wrong, not feeling well in my own skin. i used to feel comfortable and beautiful. really i did. and now... i'd like to feel that way again, but there are too many things that i think are not making me beautiful anymore. it's not just that i look in the mirror sometimes and think "i don't know what to change to make me more beautiful". yes i said it. and you can't imagine how much i hate myself to feel this way. i don't like myself this way. it's ok not to be perfect, but it's a sin to feel bad about oneself. i'd punish me, if i wasn't me. i'd say i am bad and just not worth to be me. haha, that is a nice thought though.
you know.

May, Milano
(in short, because now i am really tired.)
it was a great experience. what i saw and what i heard is worth than nothing on this planet.
i am happy that i am not naive, because then i couldn't have endured all this stuff. this society is not what it seems to be. and surviving in it is harder than just walking by and see the swallow side. it was for me hard enough just to touch the surface and take a look what is going inside deep down. but i couldn't see well. still, it was enough

but it is beautiful. all the stuff they show off, the way they behave, everything has an order.

beside my 5 pairs of shoes i gained more than 5 hours of happiness and more than 5 days of experience.

connections will be everything to count on in this world.

all the good connections

p.s. kei is coming soon, she've told me that she'll come on the 4th or 5th of july. i am sooo excited, more to come when we have planned the whole stuff. we want to get to prais and london and stay some time longer in england just to be sure that we don't miss anything. i am soooo happy

Can You Repaint Trailer Cabinets

4 minutes

ok, i'm on the run to my beauty sleep, so i have to hurry.

first of all, i'll just have 3 minutes left. and the reason for my hurry is that i will be on the plane to italy (again) at around... 6:30.

i know, it's a 'kill me' time, but i have to do it, in order to get to milano right in time to get my second pair of shoes in this week. you all should know what THIS means to me.

everything is super fine, too fine actually, that i have time to think about other painful stuff. you should give me more physical pain, so i don't have to life with my painful fantasy. well, it's not really painful, it just makes me want to hide and be protected by someone, who can protect me.

beautiful bridge to my next topic.
(it's 1am... fuck)

i wrote someone a message "just" to ask if he can protect me. no, it's no can, it's a "please protect me, so i can be save". i know this sounds ridiculous. but imagine you are in fear... than nothing seems to be ridiculous, whatever you do.
i felt insecure, and i feel insecure very often. it's because of people who love me, i can be stronger than i am in the night, when everything is dark and quite. then, i feel lonely and want to hide somewhere, so that no one can hurt me.
it's around that time and that feeling when i start to feel desperate, feel panic.

i haven't expected anything, actually i've expected nothing.

but you gave me your strength, because you thought i needed it and because you felt obligated.
tears? what are tears?

maybe
you just don't know
how much i love you




i know i haven't written anything in a looooong time. i'd like to, but i don't have that much time. today is because, i needed to.
all is busy, all is stress, me is sleep sleep sleep happy

Weave That Can Be Scrunched

spring fatigue


degree but at the moment I'm very awake! I slept this afternoon for a while, well into the evening, now I feel fit and can learn for German. Leave now, but first a little bit.

have some degree of 2.5 hours on the phone with Max, because I have him half of a key reading read. haha, for the exam tomorrow "Trials and Tribulations".
I'm afraid. many reasons, not lust, which is now listed. I feel the same reason also totally uncomfortable in the classroom in the d-lk. naja.

hm ... hab grad Leave absolutely no feeling for ...

na toll ...
learn
go. tschö

How To Repaint A Bike Fork

the evil weIght

I sit just on the laptop into apple sauce and stuffing me. ha, now I've thought some time on the white short pants on, because so warm. dup dup dup Tues ... fuck ... I'm damn damn increased again. * Cries *
I always thought that as long as it all looks rather ok, this is no problem. ERROR. Today I then realized how much but the pants can constrict after a year. I'd like crying, but could still pull together to some extent. with an effort of course. then I've been thinking seriously about the possibility of a diet. this is devastating. do you not understand that. diets are against my principles of life. to eat less, eat a little eat little less I can get involved under any circumstances. at least I thought so until now.
since I've slept this afternoon, I had absolutely no appetite this evening when I got my cousin offered to eat something. she was shocked when I did not want to eat and ran to my mother to tell her that I must be sick because I eat anything. aaaah, what have I for one image.

the way I wanted to tell that I was on Friday when training on Saturday and I had no muscle ache. wait, I do not remember exactly whether I have been told. I wanted to tell or that I can do another 50 situps. without trial at the same zusammenzukippen and no air to get more. haha, I'm proud, proud.

today was a lala day, not very nice for me, I find. afternoon I was with Chrissie in the park and we have made our anniversary dinner, that I have given her. then quickly went home and completely idiotic every 5 seconds sleep on the bus.
then I'm back home first quickly read the book to end, I had already read last night do to an end, but I was so tired that I'm nciht got beyond page. (It's also only 10 pages were left) so read, then sleep. 2 hours slept and got up to the mountain homework slowly to work. Tomorrow I have hours 7, 5 compartments, and in any way I have to homework. I could die. aaaah ...
must now do I still German, philosophical, english and art. Beautiful views.

level I was at Marc and I have looked at his game. ignoring the fact that I understood very little hats made me very much fun. the sweet little brother sat in the room and has been watching. the max! all the little sweet. marc has not told me later some have gelabert then a bit and then I moved. with the bike, oh yes, and I wanted to go with the bike from the bus stop and from there by bus to marc. is actually the 51 regularly, almost always late. But no, today, when I'm running late, it has to come extra time. so I had to go but with the whole bike to marc. but it was okay, was thinking that may be a part of my new target device, the thin target device, which are in-the-pants-of-last-summer-pass target device. was therefore relatively motivated. haha

and now at home.
and now homework.

me up today were sick again. I was pissed that again. has made me sad again. I was the hurt again.

Dell Insprion 1525 Sdmmc

the effect of the tulip

first briefly tell what last week's all happening.

Thursday so we get back the physics. not very exciting. 5 + ... but well, have expected nothing better. the one in the history raises again. hehe
well, French was shit it very much. really sucks. Finally, we wanted to go along with things obi and porta shopping for his new room. but we have done in time then not quite, so I went home first, and then only to him. because I'm on my way over to Marc, I thought, I call him and tell him hello. but no one answered the phone and not answer the phone. I then drove the 51 to tivoli. thus increase, and whom I see as running away from me? marc! haha, so funny, we sat in the same bus and have not germerkt. I even walked past him and he has seen me nciht. I I touched him, because he has not even heard me because of his music, he's totally shocked and I first looked totally flat, hugging me totally perplexed and then asked: what are you doing here? I watch for the bus, pointing to him and looks at me quizzically: you there? too? I laugh: jaja! we have probably not seen.
are then gelatscht up to his house. have a little talk and I then announced that I would walk past with French, the two present.
was then at the French totally cool new apartment from. are then directly going to look at porta to her for a board. by marc in advance. he showed me all sorts of his stuff, he has few days before purchased.
French said later that he finds marc nicer than he envisioned. I found funny, everything just posturing, I said French marc is not nice, he's pretending. ha tried to convince him, but not quite snapped. Ultimately, I was as bad as girls, because I've tried to make him bad.

but what the others will understand it.

that was thursday.
Friday I was at training, before max was with me and what we have eaten before we went into the car wash. that was soooo funny. max loss had to clean the car because it was so dirty. I then gave him money and mitgefahren borrowed it.
most fun was when the checker auto was driven up. we see in the mirror containing the sports car checker auto, red. cheap bad. thus keeping the left side next to our car. The passenger door opens. 7cm long legs show with stiletto heels are on the gray asphalt. these shoes are part of a young woman, dressed nice and decent. looks very feminine with not much power. So such a girl to protect the young men would. CHECKER THE BRIDE. DAMN. haha. on the other side we see the check. mega checker, gets out, lights a cigarette and smokes a relish, while his girlfriend cleans his lovely car.
max was totally flabbergasted. He looked at me and said, can not address that yet; the girl that cleans the car from the guy as he stands by and does nothing. century in which we lived for. very sweet! haha

evening I went to training. was very cool and am looking forward to next time.
it was just also so cool because we have been kicking techniques, which I can very well and like to do. Although a little out of practice, but my talent for nciht disappears just like that. same people praised me and that must mean so what! I have also trained with alex. mega funny. is the type of something cool.
we did randori ground (ie ground fighting), I had him in the hand grip and he tries to get out. So he starts to tickle me, tickle me to the often know what is expected for a reaction, I do not react. He asked if I was not as ticklish? "Not in extreme situations!" then he had to laugh so that I mitbebte all the time.
training very amusing all this.

I was asked after practice if I want to come along to the barbecue. but since I did not pick up, it did not work. was a pity and sad, but it went on, I did not really have the mood, especially since I was very tired and then also in training matters as standing around. So I went home and got very long talk with my cousin who went there really sucks. really mega shit. it was totally finished with their nerves. but then I've been listening to her and we talked. I need not mention again that we understand our extraordinary good.

Saturday, Saturday halt. was yesterday.

today we were with many people in Keukenhof, tulip and the flower paradise in holland! MegaST really beautifully breathtaking. at the very beginning we were making very euphoric at the photos (Öcher flat), by and by then it had to but because we had less and less pleasurable to photograph flowers, the whole damned. haha, but we have made very many pictures of us and a lot of stupid videos! which is more an extension of the videos that made up by me added. very funny things we did.
for some real things are happening creapy. I ran with my cousins over so trettbretter in a lake and my parents went along the shore. the two have any photos taken from the shore. was so funny. then wanted to make my cousin at a photo of the two shores. MY PARENTS HAVE A COMMON PICTURE IN A TULIP IN A PARADISE ON THE LAKE SHORE. Whats wrong? the best is yet, after having finally understood what my cousin wants one of which, my father put his arm around the shoulder of my mother and pulled her to him.
oh my god
I almost fell into the water.

was not enough. then when we have made a picnic on the grass, my cousin wanted one photo of us three do, so me and my parents. I and my mama had, my mom took me in the arm and dad sat in front of us. My mother started rumzufuchteln arm with her, beating my dad accidentally on the head. We laughed ourselves sick and papa began to howl at. my couine has thus no longer get into.

I do not know when I was the last time parents so happy with one. the whole picnic was totally idyllic, as we sat under a cherry tree, as the episode lost its blooms. it was sooo beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful. breathtaking.

and now ... tired. sleep (once again very much driven car. IN HOLLAND, damn!)

Hemoglobin Range 2 Year Old

tired
to clarify the time

'm up today after the newspaper and read a little bit down to pascal because we wanted to make a clock with him to "lord of the rings" to watch. 2 follow extended version.
well, then we have finally begun to 3 only, because the values people: xiao max and have come a little later.
eaten, looked gone.
and many times gone to the bathroom.

as I said, I am very tired, so go only to a very significant things that interest me.

I added a little bit excited, as are the two occurred. no offense. as always. So, I have not talked to xiao, before it had even court to do so to the extent that they are not in here is looking.
are the first two half an hour too late, have not said modest. Finally, max then arrived and told us that xiao ne hour come later, then made half-third first place is quite unnett, we have identified extra that we meet by one, but eventually it was half-third would have told you earlier decision, or even modest words, one would have any way to adjust. I also would also have what may come later, and could have done at home or things that I will not grade had to do just yet. In short, I found it very rude and not particularly nice.
later, we started watching. problems that had appeared first language and then move the monitor. language, we have finally made easy for english, because it was 2 to 2. Pascal and I were for english and the other two for German. anyway. pascal said from the start, then follow if both are German and English both follow, because he clearly does not come with it when it said it on several. however, was finally at the 3rd still some debate about the language. pascal has made to English without subtitles, he wanted no subtitles, because otherwise he is too focused on the caption. xiao said absolutely wanted to German, then max bold as they should just get up and change it. she was doing it too close, they would have, if I had not told her she should keep it.
it was absolutely not about my will to enforce, but to show her that she can not just do what they want.
then the story with the monitor. pascal did not want that the monitor was placed on the ground, different reasons. is also totally do not care what it was for what. I do not know if the people were now so sensitive to notice how uncomfortable he was when they started at his table and made rumzurücken institutions, the monitor held down against his will. I would have liked in the moment shouted at them to leave everything as is.
it stirred me up so that they did not notice where the boundaries are. so what do you do in my opinion not, one does not behave like the king, if you make friends is at home, no matter how good a friend is. for me it is simply rude. I certainly would have reacted differently than Pascal. I thought it was bold. I could not understand how selfish it was in this moment, without consideration for other persons.
I am sure in many aspects I'm not different, but when it comes to how we must behave as a guest, then I am a bit picky.
small thing to be on the edge, it is possible that the two The mail did not get sent the pascal. He has asked to bring something small, can be gesharet it. I do no one a reproachful, if you have not read the mail. but it's always nice when you know you look much, what brings you to small.

Aaachen, damn, I reg on unnecessarily. is over, forget it. a little bit.


gaaaaanz what else. and indeed, today I was sitting in the bus back home and I read.
to me cold and once it runs the back down. I had slight knock and my panic began to heart and I thought I die.
no, I'm not-so-excited-I-can-stand-it do not die, but real. I die.

I thought of a gunman of the bus through the running and shooting in all directions. and then I'll die. my dream with me, be my, my hope, my faith, my thinking, my feelings, my life, my body, my everything. I do.

thought this made me jump such a fear, that I thought I could never be sure, nowhere, never.
disturbing.
I was thinking. makes me exactly how it would be if someone were to rise with arms in the bus, and rumschießen with his weapon would. no wonder is not the most pleasant. But what I'm getting.
fear death? why?
why it hides when you know, but you die anyway.
forward only done once so if something happens to me, I will not try to duck, will not hide me. I want to sit upright, the killer in the eye, my killer. I will do it. I want this with all my heart.

So, everyone dies, außnahmslos.

how many live are lost. How many dreams, hopes ... all gone. bäm

What are we so afraid. it's just the fear of what will happen, because we do not know. what if the shit is hell and just as the sky. What if life after death is crappy, as the life before death?

what if we trapped forever in the spirit world and as they never leave?

what if anything more? everything is black. no, it's not black. it is nothing. do not mind it. because you can imagine it not, which is nothing. it is not. think not and that will not only thicker, the more you think it will disappear more and more.
not think because it will be in death. no thinking, no feelings.
be no.

prepare you.

So what is it?
we live day to day, believe the fact that we live in tomorrow too. called the naive or just human? We could not be brought up with the idea that life be gone, tomorrow, running next hour, next minute already. why not? (Maybe it's different states in a state of war, made it basically, because the children are also raised with hope) would have a value-alive if we did not hope that we have one tomorrow. how would we live if we believed, tomorrow we are no more. would we still dream, we would do anything that would sweeten our life? All these questions ... and so few answers.
is the fear? when we no longer live there are no future. no means forward, that we do not believe hope not. not love.
who wants to live as one?
so we believe in the future. tomorrow, the tag. we believe, and therefore we live. we live because we believe in tomorrow. we dream because we believe very much in the morning. We love it because we believe in the infinity, which will meet the love. one morning. one day.

arrive until the night.

Katesplayground Board

hospitable afraid of worms

late so, so tired.
I have to just provide a bio prepared speech. yes very late, but only because I started at 1 with marc phone calls.

well, I was not particularly keen on letting me go to make it to the Department. read after the first I got really bad and then when I finally saw on wikipedia too disgusting pictures, I was right to throw up after mute. baaaaaaaaaaah ...

must have the first Lucas and then tell marc and could not work on my presentation. yes I know stupid excuse. then got on the phone with Marc. One night he called me, so at half past 5 in order to be exactly 4.22. I am in the morning woke up quite early because it was the morning when we went to Dusseldorf early. just now he told me that he was right, damn shit, the worst depression since a long time. I did really sorry that I did not go to the phone, although my cell phone next to my ear, was not only was in range, but even in earshot. but apparently my consciousness faded, and my subconsciously be aware of it. I do not have the purest one, as far as I know, I woke up in any way or somehow disturbed in my sleep was.
I sleep like rock n.
but this time was not that great, I feel rather bad about it.

talked about many things and i do now seriously considering whether I should not have fear slowly before him. There are reasons that do not enter here the public. ^ ^

yesterday I really wanted out of the bex go to him and watch him play because I knew he was playing Tuesday. but then is only one consideration remained no more than that and. I've just told him then and random as the game failed and been moved to next Monday. so I will probably next week Monday after class quartet go to him and look for the first time how he plays. I am so excited to see how he changes when he plays. anyway I've never seen cs. haha know, but so many other things about cs.

tired tired but not really tired.

have not even mentioned that in my professional work I have a 1! I was glad really super mega moderate and encouraged me enormously in my real self confidence. it shows me the end, what I absolutely need that I can, if I want it and if I like it. I was really obsessed with my subject and have read so much and thought so much about it. Although the review itself was stressful, but a tremendous challenge, which wanted to meet I had to. in the end is not only the note which I received for this work, important, but simply process the work itself and the fun that was so essential to the whole. The note shows me again how much expertise lies in me. if I want, I could be more than that and enough for me for my months until graduation. only this is important.

we have noticed a new reader, I have today. ^ ^ Hiya. I was initially shocked when I said was that someone has read my journal. not necessarily mean that I am ashamed for the written or anything, but it's up to a certain degree of very personal. and I had to think about whether I've written about him. would be disastrous if what he reads about himself that is not so nice. negative surprises. although I do not think of what could be so much negative to write about him. haha

still no plans for the weekend.

is my finished artwork. haha, it's something failed, because the nails were longer than the board, then, are the nails just been down. but I do not really care now. can not hope to make, just that they do not too much I watch it. otherwise I'm happy with the arrangement of the figures, which stand in a relationship. have a photo made of it, maybe I alternate it so pure. ^ ^ Or da!

had romantic moments again today with my cousin, we sat together with apfer and milktea on the swing on the patio and have entertained us. on Monday, we already have talked clock to 1. we totally understand well and have now found that each of us had a very different picture from the other, before we met here with me right at home. now we are great friends and talk about any bullshit. We have already made, that they travel to me increases when we are back in Taiwan. both together. she laughed and said, "when it will be well." I'm happy that we understand us so. It has changed so much.

Enlarged Liver Ultrasound

refektion

after 2nd hour, I went home and took a shower. On the way to my old school I was pretty nervous. I will admit though reluctantly, but I was afraid my old classmates to take. Today, I have indeed seen very few, and they were usually very nice to me.
but I am aware how unpopular and misunderstood where I am. I generally go by the pretty ass, but unfortunately I can not say that it does not affect me. probably does not hurt, but I do have my thoughts. and but these are thought last one for me. I have to think about how I can best protect and how I can best respond to hurt others more than they hurt me.
like to come, because even in a round where you will not like this or that.
today was negligible and it is otherwise the same. but I did not feel good that I had a day like this, think about it.

end I had ne entertainment with andi and Thomas gave me a lift.

arrived, everything was black, but there was light since. While the mourning was in the air, but the wind carried them away to me.
until we in the church and were all slowly came to rest, I was depressed, as the sadness in the air was trapped. it was almost palpable, she lay like a cloud over all mourners. Of course one might say that this event has seen before.
for me it was the first time, it was not only remarkable, but much more depressing.

I stood at the back, looked as little as was heard as little as was felt as little as could. I thought. but the position that I chose was just right for my character, as I found out later. I am certainly not a traditional gafferin, but I like to watch people, discreet and unnoticed. I am not surprised with mouth open, but watch the movements of the person in the smallest details.
maybe that's a mistake, perhaps people should have a coarser observation, so that they do not always see everything, because it might be unpleasant, angering and sad. for themselves and never for the watch.

I did not think that I cry. anyway I did not know what to expect.
my first funeral. I would have probably cried
ncht, I would have recognized not all the hymns that we have time in his religious teaching vorberetet if we all had a worship leading by 3 months.
integrate the melancholy in which sounds, by The whole church seemed sounded as messengers of sadness.
then I felt freer and livelier than at any other time that day.

preaches. sermon. not only that I was not Christian, I hated this drivel.

earlier when I was little, was God and religion no more than one kind of community and a game that we played together. without thinking about the meaning of words and the effect of the symbols, I did what everyone did. I prayed, I said, "we beseech thee, hear us," I was the "Our Father". even the cross.
What a change in me, which is tantamount to the changes over time for nothing like I felt today, as I stood there, in the last row, on the wall, not folded hands, closed eyes to mouth.
I said no, I did not have to imagine.
remember was on my own some of the fair, nothing that said one of those who touched my heart in the least. I see no Jesus and no god.

In the end I was too busy watching the absurdities of other people, label them as ridiculous and then think about what percentage of people are so like that.

"not cry. We sort it out." which require power such words.
he left 2 small children and a woman. and his family and friends and colleagues and students.
hard we can be realistic. I felt like I was in a closed world full of sorrow and sympathy. Time seemed to stand still, just for this man to remember him to show him their last respects. everything from world seemed ignorant of this, was ignorant, for they ran out of time without further obstacles. our time, however, stopped so we had the opportunity to capture what happened, what happened and what will happen.
this statement probably pushes everything out at once. do not cry, we can do it.
do we have another choice?

I leave it at that today.